The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
