think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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