I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
