she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
