My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the condom got lost in my hair
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
