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I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
