I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
