So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
