dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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