Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
cat food counts as protein by the way
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
