Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
