I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
