Sponge bath it is.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
