ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
