Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
