Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
