his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
