I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
