Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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