i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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