Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i now understand why vodka
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
