How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
