Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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