drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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