The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i'm inner monologue high
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
