he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
