i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You need Xanax blowdarts
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
