Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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