I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
