you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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