I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
