Porn is love you can see.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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