Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
