it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
