I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
