i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
