omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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