hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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