His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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