I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize