Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
