And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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