my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well you can't waste a boner
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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