I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dear god my vagina.
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