@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
