would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
