Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
