I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
