he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
