1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
