I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
