i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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