dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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