I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
