Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
