do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
