I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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