nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
