I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
