hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
