also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
