All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
