I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
