people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize