bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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