Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
