dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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