In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
