She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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