yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
