Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
