May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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