you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
