why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
