i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
