I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
