Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
