I have demons in me.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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