I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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