I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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