Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
