she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
