You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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