Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
