I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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