3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize