It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
