I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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