You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
