There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
