I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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